Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tommy's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
2:12 am	making a new journal on this site because this one bores me. it will be givingoutroses. peace. ~tommy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
9:13 am	school is hard now i have a paper to right by 1230 today and a pysch exam damn it. it is horrible. besides these two classes however i am doing quite alright. i have mass to say but it will have to wait till tommrow. peace. ~tommy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
10:23 am	Which Bob Dylan song are you? Tangled Up In Blue Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. Current Music: bootleged neatral milk hotel (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 9th, 2004
8:00 pm	big golden dogs chasing little cousins around the well kept hyde park yard, your whole family watching sports, ruting for thier faverite team and you don't really know about any of them. Dittsy aunts and funny uncles. perfect mother's day wheather and politics from a grandma. silly life... Went to clark's after prom yesterday. it was pretty fun. always good to see the clarkers and karl loabe and aryn hederson before she past out or left or somthing. i had a wild night before i even got there and the products of the before had lingered into the present. i dont want to go into that really though. good to see margot and emily auer as i think i have said about every party i go to where they are. driving home was awsome. good music from the cure and bobdylan and this bootlegged neautral milk hotel song about a boy who has birds living in him ha. i love it... mother's day was random and i woke up with a lingered feeling from last night in the back of my eyes. i woke up to the phone beings for me which can be a nice feelign and it was since it was franny kroner. Talked for awhile and then got her phone to call her tonight and set up somthing for tommrow before she goes back to her other life. now i must write a paper on the hardest topic ever. i can't even describe it but i need to write five papges on it before 10 o clock tommrow morning. i am sure i can do it though.....fuckin' philosophy. ~tommy Current Music: masters of war- by bobby dylan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
10:56 pm	no title yet, i scrawled it quickly today Clouds of breath Flow like smoke from people’s mouths And the usual steam from the factory chimneys Is raising a little higher in the air The shuttle is white it is a rodent moving through the maze of the city High above...I... I can see it drive and scurry I look out the blackened window Wondering about the smoking street things always look a little more clear through a shuttle window Noticing the way the girl walks stumbled slightly on the curb And the way the brown haired girl is Sitting a little to close to me on this bench seat I noticed the way she breathed And wondered at her bravery I bet her name was something so… Familiar And before at the shuttle stop When I kept turning my head Trying to brave the wind And failing in its context I noticed the few shriveled Brown leaves that still hung on the sidewalk trees They were a gross but still a hopeful try to persevere on behalf of fallen nature (roots in the concrete) Two people now sit in the basement Of a college world talking French And it makes me feel happy But sad aswell… I can only make out words, here and there of their elegance The music is sweet and atmospheric Like the smell of flowers at a fall funeral For your cousin who you loved but barely even knew One deep conversation and realizing you have like minds Then six months later you don't even cry When they lower him into the hard fall ground The wind blows and the leaves swirl As the preacher talks of death, sin, and forgiveness The smell of white flowers on the wind (that resemble snow) Is sweet and atmospheric like the music in my headphones at the perfect time and place in anyone's life He died with a guitar by his bedside just as I might someday From a cancer From a beer That laid by the guitar. Mocking and humanizing us all. A lamp with a broken switch keeps flickering And makes a buzzing sound like A fly does when it hits the window Over and over again My dad cried for his lost nephew Because my dad helped my cousin Direct his life for good and for alcohol But I sit here nonetheless, With very little in my mind Except the French, the music, the cold, the shuttle, my cousin, his funeral, his dreams, my dad’s tears, and Dan burn, my fingers, thelead scraping the paper with my random thoughts, Descartes, English, college, my aching stomach, a broken moon, sweet and atmospheric, calm, quiet, broken French in my head, hydrogen light reflecting off polished linoleum floors. I think, I breathe, I keep on breathing, to breath, but I can't stop thinking about brown shriveled leaves and white flowers in fall winds. I wonder if it makes sense to anyone else? ~tommy Current Music: kiss me kiss me kiss me (whole album)- the cure (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
10:12 pm	moses ain't the only one who saw a burning Bush i went to protest bush tonight at the gardens. there weren't many people there and we got mass dirty looks. it was pathetic kinda where i was standing but some one said that another protest happened after i left. at least i was there for awhile. we had to stand pretty far away too which sucked. me and two kids from uc went together. i baerly know them but they are hardcore cummunists (ha) from my philosophy of ethics class. they are cool as hell, i mean i dont beleive in what they preach that much but it is nice to meet peole that at least give a shit passionatly about somthing. i don't beleive christianty is the way to go at all but when that saprmem court judge or whatever wouldn't remove the ten commandments from his court room i was like that guy is awsome. i don't think they should be there either but at least he fucking cared enough in somthing to actually take a stand. today was a relaxing day, studying for psych and then the exam that was relitivly easy i think. turning in my second english paper tommorow. i got such a high grade last time that i feel presurred to do well again and i think i have but i am alittle worried. whateva though... this weekend looks like it is going to be a fun one for varouis resaens ha. dont feel like going into it though... i have been feelings very good about life this past week or so. it seems real calm and fun and satifing. "life is nothing but a dream, except we can control this dream. so lets try and dream good dreams" ~buddhist monk don't have anything else to say really. going to a liteary socaiety from now on at uc. it is only for english majors and i have been reading up on t.s. eliot tonight and will tommrow so i am prepared for it. i think it will be a good oppurntunity for me to meet people with my same passions. hope it is fun. now i must be off to write another paper for philo tommrow about whether i think moral realitivism or moral absulution is better. much lovly days i hope and wish to come to all of you... ~tommy Current Mood: content Current Music: where do the children play- cat stevens (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 1st, 2004
10:24 pm	big fish just watched big fish, time to rant about it... tim burtin is still my faverite movie man. to take a movie from a book and still leave the brillent symbols and make the imagry as lush as anyone can imagine it as they run thier eyes over any text. The naked women in the water was a fish to him, because as the little girl said you see what you want to see in her. what you love, as the old man saw his dog. southern men love thier dog. his father always wanted water the whole time in bed, and when he was in the bath tub because he really was a fish, a big one at that. he passed his wife in the make beleive story at the end and said "my women in the water" alluding to her being the naked women he had seen twice and felt oddly connected to. Also, if the big fish at the biggining was the same "women" then that is why it would want the wedding ring from him so badly. He told life as a lie but it was almost more true. because life really isn't just the facts as he said. if it was then we would all just be historians. life is the emotion you see the facts through. that guy just had alot of emotion haha. He became the big fish that all the fishermen always talk about because he is a mere story but he lives on for ever as immortal biceause stories are what we love. The old women/witch at the parade said to him "the biggest fish got that way because he was never caught". he held true to his stories all the way till his grave because that way he was never caught. he is those stories because of it and he is the biggest fish that no one will forget because he was never caught. he was the biggest fish of them all. i watched kill bill today too and that was a grand movie for oppisite reasons ha. beautifully filmed with a story of raw passion and emotion. good weekend for movies. over the rhine is playng at the twenith century in june. Clair a, said she'd go with me. i know she'll love them. i can't wait. i love that band and the emotion that flows off of them and claire is obvouisly a freind i like to be around more then almost any other and summer is all i get to see her since college is the great divider in some ways. for bad sometimes and for the ultimite good almost always... i could write a book in here tonight i feel. i don't feel like doing it though. working on music extrmely hard all day and the end products look quite nicly to me. happy i am that i decided to spend tonight here instead of "there". that place out under the stars. partied hard recently with out any drugs which is awsome. but i wanted a saterday night off. baseball tommrow with the cousins and uncle maybe, that would be fun. my and my cousin natty might record some music after ward, or possible not. i have an english ruff draft to work on as well. i'm out for now. go see big fish if you havn't and find your own meaning. peace and love to all those that read this all. ~tommy Current Mood: happy Current Music: eddie veder singing some song at the end of the movie (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 24th, 2004
12:03 am	my life through the eyes of a shallow swiming hole just got home from the work place. not a bad night. alot of neautral milk hotel sing along with the cousin natty. only three jobs ran which is good because it is decent hours and not so many that i want to quit this second. a jazz coffee house is opening right down the street from me which is semi odd since my westwood usaully has little culture so refined ha. not true but kinda... i am goign to try and get a jb there. that would rock my socks. espeacally since i wouldn't need to drive which is good since gas is supposed to go so far up in the summer months. i want to go to mt. airy alot this summer and sit in the flowers and write. i want to take someone else there to. show them the beauty. i want to take some one coolto this place in mcfarlen that my cousin, uncle and I used to go every spring break. that would rule... emily hour agreed to teach me violin which is fuckin' awsome. i might have already mentioned this however. not sure but it is stilll awsome. going to clark's thing tommrow. i am going to go hang at burnett woods first and play accoustic in the park. i think margot and emily auers band is playing there at some time ha. i might run into them of i might just ave good art time. either rocks. i want to get my cousin in on some of my songs playing trumpt and shit. that will be so tight. school is going good however hectic. i just got a certificit honoring me in making the dean's list which made me fee speacail. life is good. oh...i thought of something in bed last night......... hard to remember what. first, the other day i had the coolest thing happen. i remembered something from doc brock's class that i never knew was still in my head. it is about k and r stragey traits in animals. the prof was like "are you a biology major because no one ever knows that" i was never prouder to say i was an english major to which he replied "should have known" ha. i love school. it just freaked me out that i remembered it from so long ago in detail. good job brain. i had the best thought in bed damn it. it was about my life. it was a really good metaphor an now it is lost. but it willl probally reapper as everything seems to eventually. your brain is your's and finds the same path it hs gone down again...........eventaully.......for me at least...... anyway, i am feeling pretty fine and i will see people at the clark tenth anniversery thing if you come. peace and love from the top of my heart and the bottom of my glove. ~tommy (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
10:55 am	franny freindster messages ha. i miss franny up in chicago. Frannie wrote: > > you know how you remember people-- little snippets > of conversations, mabey a moment that made you > realize something (usually about yourself) -- > whatever it is, something sticks, and that > something is an instant channel into a persons > memorie > little parts of conversations that stould out to > you, something you admire, something you were > suprised by -- mabey even somthing that turned you > off--(they're not ALWAYS positive, not much is) > > i dont know what it was that broght me thinking of > you but i have been for the past few days > > how have you been > i meen really > > i still miss you, frann;e Tommy Writes, franny, it's funny, but i will like not really be thinking of you for awhile and then somthing will remind me of you and i'll be like "oh yea, franny". it sounds dumb, but i remember our freindship like how you described in a way as well. habitat for humanity and walking around westwood going to your family's dry cleaners. Dressing up for clark dances and cunsumer math. 4th bell study hall and talking on the phone about alan pray. i saw your little brother at a party the other day and it got me to thinking about it all. I really am doing well. school is just so.... great for me. i love being there and it just furfills me so much. i am getting so much better at everything i love so much more quickly then I used to and i just love the days i am in now. i am not with out problems and old feelings of the way i was come now and again, usaully making me feel so guilty for all the wrongs i did to some people i love with all my stuff.... i quit drugs for good, at least anything beyond cheba (hehe) because i was starting to get wild again with them and had one bad night that made me into what i was and i won't stand for it anymore. it is always hard to invoke all the meanings of words through this blank little internet pallet, but if i had to some up my life right now i would say "i am in a stage now when i have just came from somthing bad, alittle farther then intailly recovering from it because i accept all those things and know they were not wasted, just a lost time in my life to now be found in looking back at why it happened, and now they are the past and I am happy. almost done with a year of school where i am getting good grades and making mass freinds. learning to play new instrments and writing music more and more. filling notebooks with poetry and random daily occurences. i never felt more like the person that i really am inside then in these past 6 months. For along time i thought my whole life was a lie, but it is funny how human life is. It can change gradually or in a second and all of a sudden you realize your only 19 years old and the life behind matters, but regret isn't worth it and there is plenty of future to be lived. I decided i am going 4 years to uc for english lit. then some where else for my masters in education and i am going to try to get a job as a montessori highschool english teacher which is crazy to think about. i would like to get a ph.d in literature too. i hope life leads me there. i miss you franny. i hope everything is good for you. i wrote alot ha but that is the way i am. love ya forever. ~tommy Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: clock chimes saying it's eleven o'clock (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 18th, 2004
5:26 pm	veganism sucks because i love cheese, but i do it any way had a fun night last night. Sarha's party was fun even though me and sean sounded like crap. Sean completely messed up on both of my songs so i cut them short and was slightly annoyed but whatever. they wouldn't have been that good any way probally because of the limited time we practiced. i wanted to practice more but some one bearly ever ansewered his phone or wanted to. ill make up for sucking when i record. those songs could be good. the one song sean didn't even seem to try to learn in a way. i didnt take solo's in the middle of his songs and what was he doing on the drums. he played mass better three hours earlier but whatever. life "floats on" and he was mass more nervous then i was so it's all good. but i did kinda come to the final conclusion last night that i don't really want to mess around musically anymore. i need to find some people to start a "real" band with again. i took about a year break and playing with sean has been fun and very enlightening to me because of his awsome mechanical talent but... time to find some like minded individauls and stop messing around. i got so many ideas for recording things to and my lyrics are getting better and better as i am learning to write them and put vocals to music bette and better. even if i can't sing worth a shit............yet........singing lessons so soon...... on brighter news, saw emily auer last night and margot which was a breath of fresh air in a way. emily said she would definitly teach me to play violin. i told her i would do anything in return which is completely true. man, even if i could just get good enough to put layers on songs i would love it because some of my songs need things like that. megan's party was fun, got to see everyone and it filled my party fix for the month ha. cherub played pretty damn good last night. they are changed much since i was playing with them. more micah then anything else. experimental metal stuff which is cool but not really my cup of tea. that ska band was good even though no one was there. people should have stayed. mike healey is a mad man on drums. debbie was good puit they played like two songs or somthing. today i played baseball with my cousins, and my uncle wayne, plus mass other random people. it was fun as hell even though it made me realize how out of shape i am and i am going to be sore in the morning for sure. i need to go write two papers now for class tommrow so.......peace and much love. ~tommy Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: a fan (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
3:06 pm	between two white lines “Between Two White lines” (song lyrics) (Verse one) Between two white lines, An old man is crossing the street, I’m stopped at a red light, Coming home almost on beat. It’s nearing two in the morning, And the orange sulfur streetlights are still burning, Throwing strangest light on this old man, And on all the rotting wood buildings around him. (Music) He is wearing, A green hood that doesn’t hid his gray beard, And a worn dark red backpack, That might carry everything he holds dear, And he walks slowly enough, That the light changes green and he is still, Between the white lines, As I drive away and he turns just enough, For me to catch his stoic, Faded blue eyes and wrinkled face, But to himself you can tell there is something, There is a slight smile and a contented feeling. Between the white lines, How can this old rotting man be happy? (Chorus) And so I can easily dream, Of things much bigger then me, But how can I hope of anything, When the only future that I can see is, Exactly the same as my present life (trust me it rhymes haha) (Verse Two) Between the White Lines, Is where (it seems) I also live my life, Stopped at a red light, Watching an old man struggle by. Coming home from some kid’s house, Where we sat in his basement all night long, Trying not to feel, and staring at the walls Clicking the flint on a see through blue lighter again and again, (Music) And looking around the cluttered wooden table, I saw faces that I barely even knew, And I started to think about the life I was living, And about the old man, and where I was headed, If it wasn’t for this plant that we turn to ashes, If it wasn’t for the static lives that we lead, If it wasn’t for the white lines painted on that street, That we live betwixt and can’t even ever see. I don’t think that I would have ever believed, That I’m not even moving, not even moving, The same as I was and the same as I’ll be, If I don’t start living outside the white lines. Because they will never be, Good enough for me, I am not that old man, They’re not good enough for me. (Chorus) And so I can easily dream, Of things that are much bigger then me, But now I know I can hope for something, Now I know I can hope, Because, Because… (Break) To live, is hope for, Finding life again. To live, is hope for, Finding love again. (Climax) And that was my life My static life, But all those wasted days, Were not lived in vain. (Softer) They gave me a view, Inside the white lines, A view to my static life, And I am not him. (End Louder) Anymore, I’m not him, Anymore, Anymore, anymore, anymore, anymore. ~Tommy not the best thing i have ever written and this is really rough still. alittle to "all out on the table" for the reader for my taste. but it will have to do for the time being. ~tommy Current Mood: content Current Music: modest mouse- track 8 on moon and antartica (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
4:28 pm	"good news for people who like bad news" new modest mouse cd equals fucking awsome as hell. haha, well it is at least preety good. still geting used to thier new sound. playing mass music recently. me and sean practiced some yesterday. good times.... almost all my songs are done musically. i still need to write one though because i made a promise i think i might regret which is that i will write a song about my sister having a baby. they roped me in.... they wanted me to do an acrostic poem with the baby's name (morgan) and my hate for form poetry (at least personal dislikeing the action of writing form poetry) made me say no fucking way but my mom guilted me into a comproimise. stupid mom... my parents have been home all week none stop because they are both of work this entire wekk. it sucks haha. not really but it is defintly weird. school is still going really well even though my english teacher made me look dumb today because he asked me if i knew the years that america was in world war two. i knoew it ended in 1945 but he acted like i was a dumb ass for not knowing we entered it in 1941. i guessed pearl harbor happened in the early ninteen fourties as well and he was like "i guess you dont know history as well as you can interpret literture, i thought you would be a guy with one of those really well rounded educations but i guess not..." what the fuck man. i have had like five classes with him and granted he complimented me on being able to interpret literture but i ain't no one trick pony. stupid jerk. it really didn't bother me that much but it erks me. the people in the class i could tell didn't know the dates either so they didn't think i was stupid. none of them raised their hand when he asked after he barked at me. it is more just that i am a 19 year old freshman in college for god's sake and i knew every thing but the date of 1941. the trojan war happened in 1200 b.c.e., the first black plauge outbreak was in 1347 c.e.. fuck that. how are you going to punish an kid in english class that raises his hand when no one else does and takes a guess, gets more then half the question about HISTORY right and then make him look like he knows nothing but his major. because i spend mass time in all my classes absorbing as much as i can when mass other kids just sit and complain "this isnt my major, why do i have to take it" annoyed tommy was for about five minutes. well after geting that out ha. today is bueatiful. i had mass cloths on though because when i got to sschool it was cold but when i left i like strriped all my layers down. rolled down the windows and drove home with modest mouse blaring. then i ate some apple cinamon/honey nut cherrios ceral. played guitar and sang out on my porch for awhile then i bee came to close to me and ran me inside and i came up here. well.... more to say i have but i feel like doing something else. bye and much love. ~tommy Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: float on- modest mouse (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
2:11 pm	dreams are best sown through the ugliness of reality great first week of my third and final quarter as a freshman in college. seems like it goes so fast. can't beleive i made deans list so far ha. i think i get free shit for doing it. all my classes this quarter are really really good besides pysch which i think i already mentioned. stupid teacher that doesn't use any visaul ads, doesnt even write on the black bord and lectures for hours and a 45 minutes straight every teusday and thursday. grrr... other wise though it is so fucking awsome i can't beleive it. Hillary smith is in the class before in the same room as my medeivel history class so i will be seeing her alot which is fun. i saw alicia recently when we went to newport. i have seen pretty many people actully. i saw a sophmore from clark at uc because she was interning for intersession up there. we talked for a while. it was cool. can't wait to play some songs at sarh's party ha/ it is going to be rockin'. i am nervous though kinda. i also can't decided which songs to play. i know i will play "not anymore" because that defines me in a way ha. and i think i'll play "now you know" but i can't deicded whether to play two others because, the one is hard to sing and every day i either sound horrible or as good as i can sound singing it and the other has a real rock out part ha. which makes it kinda tempting but, it is kinda a wierder song. like that song on modest mouses "building somthig out of nothing" record when he says "this is the part of me that thinks all cavemen are ants". lyrically mine isnt that wierd but for those that know that song you might know ha. i was contimplating doing a cover of talking shit about a pretty sunset by modest mouse but i dont think i will ha. i am already covering sara(H). funny that i put so much thought into this but i shouldn't be suprised that i do since i put more thought then is needed into just about everything. it is why meditation is so good for me and my mind/soul. it is the only rest i get from my head. besides sleep but i still have over active dreams all the fucking time when i sleep. i love them though so whatever. i think i am about to go play some guitar though and try to sort out and finsh some songs lyrically. i got the lyirs up in my head but i need to put them on paper. i can best metaphor my writing process like this. i gather the ideas in my head and certain phrases i want to use as if i am diging up marble out of the ground. then i free write and put all those ideas and mixed up figuritive language down on the paper like a sculpture would carve from the raw marvel a big solid cube. then i craft those raw emotion free writes to create my poetry or song lyrics or fiction for that matter and that is like the sculpture chisilling out from that raw block of a marbel a sculpture that is all his own. i think that another why i can think is that now days it is marbel i work with. in the old days i had wood, and then rock, and then omthing else and now i have marble to work with orginally because my mind is being pushed forward by my trying so hard in school and listening to my great and inteelagent freinds all these years. taking note of everything that happenes to me and writing it all down as can be seen in my stack of writing notebooks up in my room. i have a long way yet to go however damn it. it is frustrating but i am glad i haven't reached my peak yet. i am not even close. it is going to take years and so much hard work before i can be satisfied with any art i produce though i think. i don't think i will ever write the best song i can write or ever sculpt the best poem or story that i could, it will always be just out of my grasp. but the thing that keeps me going is that as "me best" gets farther from me i am still continuning reaching up higher. my best is what moves from me, it is not I that is static and never getting better, onlr that my best is dynamic and always becoming something better that i cant quite reach. grr.... hard to explain what i am trying to say but whatever. my point i guess that i want to write in here so some day in many years i can look back at this journal which i continuing save to a disk is that, i got a long way to go and that way is never going to end, it is oblivion, it is infinity, it is death really. never stop. i read an awsome story in my lit book by jonh updike called "A&P". i read it in sallys reading class a long time ago and liked it then but i have changed so much and i realize i didnt get it at all then and now i get it. thats all. read it if you get a chance because it is good. even though over half my class hated it. different tastes people have i guess but i liked it. i could idenify with the character. ~tommy Current Mood: creative Current Music: neverending math equation by modest mouse (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
6:15 pm	today is the day that i went to a bunch of places today was fun. kinda annoying at first but it worked its self out due to my new sense of being capable and responsible. i left home and went to bank, then got gas then headed for uc for pysch 103 class. much much traffic delayed me to the point that i arrived in my garage as my class was starting very far away accross campus. so i said fuck it, ill just got buy all my books instead. i had charged up my check card at the bank after all for that pourpouse. i walk so far all the way diagnol acroos campus to get to the book store. spend mass time finding my books getto the register and my check card doesnt work. that was the last straw check card. i am geting a check book tommrow. but so i leave and walk far to find an atm to get the mooney. atm wont let me draw that much damn it. so i walk far to my car. go home in the pooring rain feeling slightly angry but pretty much okay with at least getting all that time to walk and think. that is valluble trully. but i am home feeling like i really need to get my books so i go back out and withdraw the money frm my bank. drive and park on a street in clifton called molrain or something. i liked that street. it was quiant. go and find my books again and buy them with a rool of twentys. i felt cool ha. i am a nerd. 211 dollers for them but i excpected as much. cool literature book though and some coll as shit history books so i am fine with the price. philoshaphy book looks good too. so then i walk back to my car and i was driving i clifton listening to requim for a dream sound track thinking about how i am going to call emily auer and see if she will help me get started on violin learning. i bet she will help me. when i felt like i was in a movie ha. like the sky was grey and the street was so narrow and the violent violins were screaming in my ears and the building lined to street like paris or something. i just felt good. then i went to ludlow and looked in shops for a cool box thing to put my old dreads in. still haven't found a good one. i bought a hacky sack though and fabric thing for my car reveiw mirroir for like 2 50. then i drove home and took some beads out of my hacky sak and sewed it back up and it is perfect now ha. then i ate dinner. in this time it stopped raining and got mass sunny and now i sit here with the rain and thunder back again. all and all i loved today even though i wrote about it with some animasity i think. my speling seems extra bad for this entry but i dont care. talked to claire auer last night about alot of stuff i needed to and told here about the song about here that will be on the record me and sean are cutting. i didnt want to suprise her when she heard it or somthing and have here get mad. seems like it could have happened. anyway. i got home work to. reading only but alot. and i feel like the night is young and i could do alot in it. so fuck the internet.........................................for now at least.... much love, ~tommy Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: requiem for a dream soundtrack- track thirty one (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
2:14 pm	res extensa take these wings from me because i know myself ill think i have the strength to fly, when i really don't ill put all my faith in, one dream of my sky, but ill just up falling to, some shitty job for life (so) i beg you to hold me down, cause some where inside i know, i need more time my friend, on this stable ground but tell me again, what it's like to be free, tell me of a world, that is bigger then just me, keep my hope from burning down, to only reddened cinders, tell me my dearest friend, "that there is a reason for the future" ~tommy tell me what you think.........anyone.......it is important, thanks. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
11:42 pm	and the tear dropped like an airplane stopped in mid air today was wild ha. i wake up about 1200 and i go down stairs. decide it is finnally time for me to start useing the expressway ha. so i get on it and it is all cool and easy except for that i take the wrong bridge accross the river and end up having to drive pretty far and cross the licking river in order to get to newport on the levy. i met aryn up there and we saw taking lives. strange movie. it was all right but it was nice to see aryn again. we joke but in reality i think we have alot of weird things in common ha. it was fun talking to her about everything. we got in trouble for racing up the down esculaters ha. angalena joile was incredabliy attractive and beautiful in the movie. pretty explict sex scene as with her as well ha. but after aryn leaves i can't find my car for alittle bit ha. but i do find it and i am looking for my keys and i dont have them. i am like "hmm". and i look in my car and they are in the ignition and my doors are locked. so i said "fuck" rather loudly and went back up stairs. got change for two dollers which didn't please the girl working at "ms feildings" or somthing for some reason. called my parents mass times before i finnally got an anwser, but i met this cool goth/metal chick and talked to her for awhile. then my dad came with keys and i got in my car and drove away to home ha. it was really like one of those things that seems like it would suck, but it was really kind of plesent to just hang out and wait ha. my dad was at work so all he had to do is cross the bridge. probally made him at total fifthteen minutes late geting home. i get home and finally pull out my mic stand and acoustic. i learned the chords to "Sara" by bob dylan. And i have just been hanging at my house. good day all and all. the other good things happening are... sarah highland said sean and i could play a couple songs at her party on april nintenth (including a cover of sara which i used to sing at her in third bell yearbook last year) from me and sean's band. haven't gotten a change to tell him yet since i couldn't get a hold of him for shit. nate burger asked me if i would fill iin as a live guitarist for cherub. i feel reluctant about that but said i would if micah and mike would not be totally against it. It would be somthing i admit i would love to do. i did after all abandon that band pretty hardcore though. but as i told aryn today, that was at a point in my life when i quit everything i had any connection to and fell sick for so long due to all the shit i dont want to go into. Lost freinds and dug my self a hole for which i am still climbing out of but am like right at the top of now. i have had a cool spring break so far. hung out at dustys with sean and his band two nights ago, hung with sean and deshan the night before that plus keith. bought a hat. bought a mic stand. workied a couple times. saw the movie with aryn today. saw eternal sunshine on the spotless mind with my cousin the other day. i am working tommrow and friday. saterday is my moms bookclub, sunday i am getting my hair trimmed on the sides. i am growing my hair and seeing what happens. if it looks awful again then the dreads are coming back. I am hoping to have some more practice time with sean for our band so we can record soon at scott's which i talked to him about last night and plus we got to get ready for our show. i think i am going to paint and decarate my mic stand tommrow ha. got three of my four grades for last quarter. A-, A-, and a B. I think the other will be an A because it is english. pretty damn good for being so miserable health wise all last quarter. can't wait for spring quarter man. So i think i am leaving now. aryn invited me to a party tonight but i got a headache and i am sleepy for some reason. Maybe i will go friday. she said there was another ha. anyway, much love to all those that love (or try to). today was good, spring break has been good and seems that it will continue to do so. life is good and the water is fine. ~tommy Current Mood: content Current Music: sara by bob dylan (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 22nd, 2004
1:35 pm	sometimes things still make me miss it eternal sunshine of the spotless mind was a good movie. the only reason i might not like it as much is because i knew it was going to be good. at least it didn't dissapoint in the least. it was amazing visaully and not in that stupid fx way, in that utilizing fx to be extremly creative way. the thing that probally touched me most though was of course something personal about the movie. jim carry's character and kate winslit's reminded me so much of the time i spent together with bren. It was crazy. i mean there were alot of little stupid things like the way she dyed her hair all the time but in much more complex ways. the way they played in the snow and wrestled around, the way she got him to do things that he alone would probally have never done, the way they broke up, him being made about her going out and being drunk and her mad that he couldn't understand that she was just doing what she wanted to do and him not realizing that her impusive nature to change and want to move was why he loved her in the first place. the way they layed in bed together under the covers and she asked him if she was beautiful. the way he was so awkward and insecure except with her and the way he didn't want to talk about things in public and shit ha. it just reminded me of that time in my life a whole lot. i doubt bren would think the same. i just couldnt help but think it. it was deep man ha. anyway, i spent the night out with sean, deshan, and keith. went to new port on the levy. i had seen eternal sunshine with my uncle and cousin earlier in the day, then me and sean practiced our music for awhile then we went to game works in new port. called it an early night and I got home about 11. Me and deshan were singing songs in the back of the car. i was playing sean's classical guitar and was makeing up songs, singing really badly ha. deshan said some funny fnny shit as always and had me and sean laughing like crazy. sean missed the montana exit and we had to drive mass longer ha. it was a fun night but ended to fast. i had mass energy the whole night and got home like "okay, what now" but whatever. it's fucking spring break and that is awsome. i am hanging out with truman tommrow i think, aryn and I are going to see taking lives on wedsday, i got band practice today with sean and then work. so far it is turning out pretty fun. the worst thing though is that i can't wait to go back to school and get new classes and for it to be warm so i can sit out behind mcmicken and read and shit. i love school and i love the life i have made for myself. Off to sean's though so much love, peace, and prosparty (aryn) ha. ~tommy Current Mood: content Current Music: doug marstch- dreams (Comment on this)
1:01 am	i 679   on 93   love 55 and 448   this 92   because 54 the 378   with 91   think 54 to 376   have 91   really 52 that 261   be 91   up 52 a 240   me 88   about 50 is 218   was 85   will 49 it 209   so 77   as 49 my 180   are 76   way 49 in 174   not 76   good 48 but 152   just 70   at 47 of 137   all 66   some 46 you 125   know 61   when 46 am 114   we 59   more 46 for 108   or 58   would 44 like 95   then 57   one 44 UsernameCommunity LJ Word Count (Beta!) by hutta i like that every word on here is a normal word but one. find that word and you'll now what i am about. much love. hehe. ~tommy Current Mood: curious Current Music: over the rhine- the world can wait (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 20th, 2004
11:52 am	the crimson ball floats accross the glass sea in the sky beautiful day outside. so much more beautiful to me because of the storm i had to drive through last night on my way home from work. There was one roll of thunder as soon as i got into the house the shuck everything. nature has to keep us in check everyonce in awhile and remind us of its power. the waether is just about all it has left. i think today is going to be a good day. band practice with sean soon. i'll call him when i am off here a wake his ass up ha. then we are going to chill with deshan and cruise the city looing for adventure ha. we will probally end up doing something random as hell as always and laugh more then i ever thought was possible like always ha. i took a tape of stuff i recorded on my four track to work last night and showed it to my cousin. i said it sounded like real music and not like some one fucking around in thier room. ill take that as a huge compliment from him man. he has good as hell taste in music. better taste then i do probally ha. i need to write lyrics for like everyone of my songs. i really got to buckle down and go through my millions of notbooks and random scraps of paper i have written on over the years and through my old journal and find ideas. i think ill do alot of that this coming spring break weekend. cant wait to get my officail schedule for next quarter and my grades for last quarter. i thik they are going to be good but they are completely up in the air based on the finals i took or the papers i wrote so, i guess they could go either way ha. well, that's enough for today. my next entries will be my lyrics to get opionoins on if they suck and i am just like dillusioned and being to much of an artist or if they are actully good lyrics. i hate writing lyrics as much ass i love to. because to write really poetic lyrics sounds corny and weird, but I want t write somthing different and make myself apart from the rest of the music i hear everyday. i think that the trick pretty much is that they have to be very very real to life, emotional and/or political, and have very epic but real to life imagery of things that everyone has seen and can picture when thy are up in thier room r on the bus to school. i don't know, i trust in myself for this stuff. the spotlight and the fact that i know i will be recording soon will increase my ablities way farther then usaul. like that poem i read in front of the school last year, i had like this shitty has poem that made no sense and then i re wrote the whole thing right before i read it in the study hall and improved som things that weren't on the paper. i got a good response from that even though when i read it know i think it blows. i think that because i read it out loud and gave it my voice behind it i made it sound more emotional and therefore way before in craft then it actually was but, enough of my arrogence. peace out and i hope every enjoys this beautiful day that i think is supposed to fade so fast. much love. ~tommy (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 18th, 2004
10:43 pm	the wind wakes the tide work sucks man. i can't stand it any more in a way. i mean my cousin and uncle's and even big gross man mark but, the work is awful. everyone loves it at first. it is fun as hell and easy and no pressure but after a year or two you start to die in the inside while you are there. you're in a factory and everyone is different there. the place makes your whole day fall apart sometimes. i dont know..... perhaps i over aggsagerate and there are people that can endure it but i am finding it really really hard these days. i am defintly quiting in the end of spring quarter. like two, three more months........... god damnit........ i'll miss the time i spend with natty and wayne and glen though. i guess ill probally still work there when it is busy from time to time though. i actully would bet a million dollers that i will. anyway, enough complaining about the american pass time......factory work....... finshed school and was on my last winter shuttle ride and park in that shitty garage fot the last time. I am in the good garage next quarter again which is awsome. i got the next week and a half off which is good. the other good thing is that i have been recording shit on my four track and actully digging my voice a whole lot. i always thought i sounded like shit but all this practice is making me betteer. i was playing guitar today loud enough so that three houses down this girl heard me playing, it was rad. ha. i was really liking the sound i was geting with my accustic pedal, even though my shitty guitar can't do anything besides metal damint. i need that ephiphone les paul rip off right now ha. it will be a couple months though i think before i can afford it. tommrow i am puting my check in the bank and geting out 40 to buy a mic stand and another mic chord. so i can practice singing to my elcetric guitar song instead of only acoustic ones. i am still feeling preety damn happy with my life. work is the only downer really. at least i get paid for that downer anyway. i have been drug free for quite awhile now and i couldn't be happier or more content about that fact. music is going great and school next quarter is looking awsome. winter is finnaly starting to die. death is dieing ha. peices of april, tripets of bellville, american spledour, wonderland, mona lisa smile, mysic river, and runaway jury are good movies. some for art reasons, others for fun reasons. and mona lisa smile because i want to be a teacher ha. anyway, the bed is calling me soon. peace out and much love ~tommy Current Mood: sick Current Music: built to spill- some song about pictures that rocks (Comment on this)